When ever I log into the admin area for the blog, I am greeted in the top left corner by “How are you, Alex?”. It’s nice that WordPress is asking after me, but honestly? … I’ve often no idea how to reply.
Every so often I will hear that something I have written has helped someone, so I say thanks, and panic sets in about the next meaningful thing I should write. But what do I do when it feels like there is nothing I can say? I open the “New post” page, and I’m like, “Sharp pencils? Yup. New Pens? Yup. Nice clean paper? Yup. Ideas? Nope .. ”
So since the strap-line for the blog is “Rambling thoughts on life.”, I figured I would just give you some rambling thoughts on life. A form of verbal diarrhoea which might shift this constipation.
Janelle Hanchett, who writes at “RenegadeMothering.com“, is one of my two role models for telling it like it is, fearlessly and without shame. She runs an online blogging workshop which maybe one day I will attend. I just like the ad for it.
Janelle was, in her own words, “pretty much a failure at life (and not in a cute way)”, She is a recovering alcoholic with tribe of kids and a husband who looks, I think, like Aaron Kaufman from Grease Monkey Garage. Go stalk Janelle’s blog for pics and google “Aaron Kaufman” – you’ll see what I mean. The reason I mention this, is that she seems to have reached some form of peace with herself. In the blog, “the fight against helpful parenting”, Janelle just shares her life like it is. Warts and all. That’s a level a openness there which many of us are scared to even strive for. We still need the mask.
Just because I’ve not written, doesn’t mean that nothing meaningful has happened. Actually quite a lot has been going on, but nothing that I’ve really wanted to put out there into a post. It’s either too personal or too benign. I mean, how do I say that marriage and family life is sometimes tough in ways that I never imagined when we exchanged vows, or who cares that I had an amazing home made beef burger (“this is a tasty burger”*) last weekend?
The “Aha!” moment
It’s not only trying to find the sweet-spot in what to share, and what not to, which really slows me down – it’s the having that “aha!” moment. Posts which I particularly proud of have had those moments. There was something going on which consumed me and I could feel the post writing itself inside me before I even sat down write. This post never had one of those moments. I just decided to sit down and type until I get to about 950 words and then I will apathetically press the publish button.
On reflection, not sharing the really personal stuff is down to a combination of not-got-it-figured-out-myself-yet and not-airing-dirty-laundry-in-public. Not sharing the mundane is down to not believing that what I had for lunch is going to be of any interest to anyone. I’m also very worried my head has gone up my arse in trying to write only about deep and meaningful things which I hope are going to change the world. Hope not, but it might have done. Thanks for not pointing it out. My ego is way to fragile. 😉
One of my natural tendencies is to ‘over-share’. Once I start to sketch out something, I then feel the need to fill in the gaps, provide context followed by some kind of an in-depth analysis of what it is that I’ve got on my mind. After a while, either I realise my audience-of-one has fallen asleep, or their face has that “Dude .. way too much information .. ” look.
Having said that, since I started pouring this drivel into the keyboard, thoughts have already come to the surface which turned themselves into posts .. go figure .. (“If you are in leaky rubber boat..” and “A swift kick to the tesiticles..” for example).
Maybe I won’t publish this after all or maybe when the word count reaches about 950 words, I’m gonna proof read it, hit publish and be done with it. Maybe I’ll just hit publish anyway. Stupid rambling post that it is anyway.
744 words .. sod it .. publish ..
Thanks if you’ve just read the whole thing anyway.
* – points for guessing the film referenced.
Yes, I know the keyboard looks like a bio-hazard …